molly_brown

We all know the reasons a person might hesitate about adopting a rescue dog -- or any other kind of pet -- from Arkham Pet Rescue: it might be possessed, insane, or recently revived from the dead. It might be some kind of genetically-engineered abomination. Or it might be just plain evil.

But not everyone who's offered a new home to one of Arkham's rescue pets has come to a grisly and unspeakably horrible end, so today I'm going to feature some Arkham success stories.

But first, another episode from Arkham Cable's most popular late-night phone-in:

Chico (below) has settled in very well with his new owner, the boss of Arkham Cabs.

more Fail Dogs

And luckily for little Howard (below), the only insanity he's succumbed to is being (barking!) mad for football. Needless to say, he is very happy with his new owner, a British celebrity who the kennel staff have forbidden me to name (but is currently playing for L.A. Galaxy and lis married to a former Spice Girl).

And finally, former members of the cult of Dagon, Hester and Annabel (below) have gone on to become novice nuns.

I've been promising more Arkham Rescue Dogs for ages now, but first here's a typical day in the life of Arkham Pet Rescue's local estate agent:

Arlkham Pet Rescue staff assure me that today's featured dog -- whose name must never be spoken aloud -- is actually a chocolate labrador. As Arkham Pet Rescue's chief veternarian, Doctor Marinus Willet, explains: "He just happens to be a chocolate labrador who has been exposed to such unimaginable eldritch horrors most of the fur on his body simply dropped off... while the small amount remaining on his head turned white overnight."

Doctor Willet goes on to add this note of caution, "Though he's an absolutely lovely little guy, The Rescue Dog Whose Name Must Never Be Spoken Aloud does have one or two minor behavioural problems... which may or may not have contributed to his previous owner's descent into madness... and eventual death. So he's probably a dog for experienced owners only."

I've had an email asking for more Arkham rescue dogs, so -- before even I get tired of the joke -- here is a final trio of them. (And FWIW, if only I had the space -- and Arkham Pet Rescue actually existed! -- I would happily adopt every single one of them myself.)

Today's featured dogs:

Toby's owners sadly had to give him up when their house was invaded by squamous horrors. Toby would be well-suited to apartment living as he requires very little exercise; all he wants to do is either huddle in a corner whimpering or drink himself into a stupor.

more Fail Dogs

Pth'thya-l'yi, pictured below with the sailor who found her in the water near Devil's Reef (and committed suicide soon after), is one of the more unusual crossbreeds awaiting re-homing at Arkham Pet Rescue. An excellent swimmer, her ideal home would be near the sea (or at least have a pool). If you're looking for a pet that's lively and affectionate in a completely inappropriate way, then Pth'thya-l'yi could be the gal for you!

more Fail Dogs

And finally, we're sorry to report that Howard the Pug has been returned to kennels for the seventh time in less than a year and is once again awaiting re-homing at Arkham Pet Rescue. (Rescue centre staff would like to remind anyone thinking of adopting Howard of the vital importance of making sure he takes his medication.)

moar funny pictures

And that's it for Lovecraftian rescue dogs. Unless somebody tells me they want more. ;)

Another jolly video from the Innsmouth Tourist Board:

Today's featured dog is Tcho-Tcho. An energetic Toy Poodle/Old Ones cross, this undead bundle of teeth, fur and ichor has not adjusted well to life in kennels and staff at Arkham Pet Rescue are desperate to re-home her with a caring, experienced owner who isn't easily terrified.